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Thursday, July 30, 2009
It's Thursday morning and yes, it's raining. I never really loved the rain...I mean I do, but not this kind of rain...This kind of rain gives me emotions that I can't handle so well...yeah right, talking about the gloomy days...It has been like so many days that I feel I am so stuck with so many things and I just wanted to get it out from my system...OMG...How can I even start when I don't even recognize the place where I am stuck :(
It has been a while since I've poured out what my mind wanted to speak when my lips can't. And trust me, this kind of feeling sucks so much...I just find myself hating myself >.<>
My life has never been easy...And somehow, at some point, I choose to give up...I guess that is my first and last resort though...I'm having so much trouble with my family issues, school stuff (which I really find myself stagnant) and yes, my personal life...Issues there, conflicts here...NO ONE HEARS MY SCREAM BEHIND MY SMILES T.T WHEN WILL THIS EVER END :((
There are so many things that has been bothering me...Some people may notice it though, because it's most of the time, I try to be transparent so I won't have a hard time trying to reach out to people who really know me...But sometimes, I feel like I need to nurse that feeling for myself...Maybe because I wanted to be independent on it, or maybe because I feel no one can myself but me...See how my life sucks? *LOL
I love my life though...and yes, i don't have everything a girl could wish for but I know I am happy with how life is...Although most of the time I screw up, behind the mistakes I've made are lessons learned though...But sometimes, even if I think I already learned from it, if crises happen again, I just can't seem to apply what I've learned...Then I thought to myself, life sucks...Oh my mistake, I suck *lol
Yes I am the drama queen, a CERTIFIED spolied brat...I even proclaimed one syndrome that you can never find in any medical books *haha-- THE MALDiTAH-BRATiNELLA SYNDROME-- Oh yeah I have that syndrome in me, ALWAYS and I MEAN ALWAYS! :)) And I couldn't care less if I have that nasty attitude..It's like "It's every man for himself...and hell yeah this is MY life, not yours, not theirs! :))
And now the rain has stopped...and guess what, I miss myself :)) I miss myself when I was so carefree...and yeah...I've been missing a lot of things lately...My personal life, my family, my clique...and yeah...those were the days...The days where I felt I was a child and that I was never afraid to get wounded. And now that I am grown up, I became more fragile, inside and out...How much ironic can this get? *argh! Sick of pain...and yes, medical books say that our hearts have no pain receptors and that hurt is all in the mind...But how come I feel my heart sinking? :( shucks. I'm a big mess :| This is just so frustrating and depressing :| Can somebody just shot me in the head? :))
Damn... I have so much unwanted emotions in me that makes me so pessimistic and skeptic...I HATE LIES...I HATE CONFLICTS...AND I HATE PAIN! But then the world has too much of it...I feel like I'm a sponge, absorbing all these f*uckin' elements...Yeah right AIZIE go to hell :))
I love inflicting pain to myself and I want to do it until it hurts me no more :)) And maybe by that, I can be numb, I'll learn not to care too much...I'll learn not to become fragile...*ahaaii... See how much I am misunderstood? :))
Enough of this crap...I only have two more days for school work...and I haven't even started yet...**BULLSH*T**
I'M WASTING MY TIME JUST SITTING HERE, THINKING OF HOW LIFE CAN BE MORE FRUSTRATING!
Let me end this for now...And one piece of advice :
IF YOU WANT A PIECE OF ME? HURT ME! :)) AND YOU'LL KNOW HOW I DEAL WITH IT ;)
It has been a while since I've poured out what my mind wanted to speak when my lips can't. And trust me, this kind of feeling sucks so much...I just find myself hating myself >.<>
My life has never been easy...And somehow, at some point, I choose to give up...I guess that is my first and last resort though...I'm having so much trouble with my family issues, school stuff (which I really find myself stagnant) and yes, my personal life...Issues there, conflicts here...NO ONE HEARS MY SCREAM BEHIND MY SMILES T.T WHEN WILL THIS EVER END :((
There are so many things that has been bothering me...Some people may notice it though, because it's most of the time, I try to be transparent so I won't have a hard time trying to reach out to people who really know me...But sometimes, I feel like I need to nurse that feeling for myself...Maybe because I wanted to be independent on it, or maybe because I feel no one can myself but me...See how my life sucks? *LOL
I love my life though...and yes, i don't have everything a girl could wish for but I know I am happy with how life is...Although most of the time I screw up, behind the mistakes I've made are lessons learned though...But sometimes, even if I think I already learned from it, if crises happen again, I just can't seem to apply what I've learned...Then I thought to myself, life sucks...Oh my mistake, I suck *lol
Yes I am the drama queen, a CERTIFIED spolied brat...I even proclaimed one syndrome that you can never find in any medical books *haha-- THE MALDiTAH-BRATiNELLA SYNDROME-- Oh yeah I have that syndrome in me, ALWAYS and I MEAN ALWAYS! :)) And I couldn't care less if I have that nasty attitude..It's like "It's every man for himself...and hell yeah this is MY life, not yours, not theirs! :))
And now the rain has stopped...and guess what, I miss myself :)) I miss myself when I was so carefree...and yeah...I've been missing a lot of things lately...My personal life, my family, my clique...and yeah...those were the days...The days where I felt I was a child and that I was never afraid to get wounded. And now that I am grown up, I became more fragile, inside and out...How much ironic can this get? *argh! Sick of pain...and yes, medical books say that our hearts have no pain receptors and that hurt is all in the mind...But how come I feel my heart sinking? :( shucks. I'm a big mess :| This is just so frustrating and depressing :| Can somebody just shot me in the head? :))
Damn... I have so much unwanted emotions in me that makes me so pessimistic and skeptic...I HATE LIES...I HATE CONFLICTS...AND I HATE PAIN! But then the world has too much of it...I feel like I'm a sponge, absorbing all these f*uckin' elements...Yeah right AIZIE go to hell :))
I love inflicting pain to myself and I want to do it until it hurts me no more :)) And maybe by that, I can be numb, I'll learn not to care too much...I'll learn not to become fragile...*ahaaii... See how much I am misunderstood? :))
Enough of this crap...I only have two more days for school work...and I haven't even started yet...**BULLSH*T**
I'M WASTING MY TIME JUST SITTING HERE, THINKING OF HOW LIFE CAN BE MORE FRUSTRATING!
Let me end this for now...And one piece of advice :
IF YOU WANT A PIECE OF ME? HURT ME! :)) AND YOU'LL KNOW HOW I DEAL WITH IT ;)
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