CHOCOLATED-COATED CYANiDE AND iNTOXiCATED CANDYLiPS

LOVE iS OVER-RATED . LOVE SUCKS AND LOVE KiLLS .

YOU THiNK OF iT LiKE A POiSON . ONCE YOU iNGEST iT , iT WOULD BE SO HARD TO EXPEL iT OUT .

A LOT OF PROCESS REQUiRES WHEN YOU FALL iN LOVE .
YOU HAVE TO SACRiFiCE FOR A LOT OF THiNGS , CHANGE YOUR LiFESTYLE FOR THE PERSON YOU'VE CHOSEN , YOU CHANGE YOURSELF TO PROVE TO THE PERSON THAT YOU ARE WORTH LOViNG AND SOMETiMES YOU iSOLATE YOUSELF TO THE PERSON YOU LOVE . LOVE iS "LiFE" iN THE TRUE SENSE OF iTS MEANiNG . AND WHY WRiTE NOW? i REALLY DON'T NOW . BUT WHAT i DO REALLY KNOW RiGHT NOW iS : "i'M ON CRiSiS . S.O.S . ANYONE?"

MY LOVE LiFE HAS BEEN VERY OPEN TO A FEW NUMBER OF PEOPLE i TRUST . MOST OF THEM LiSTENED AND HAVE SYMPATHiZED WiTH ME ON MY SORROWS AND DiLEMMAS . FRiENDS COME AND GO iN THiS JOURNEY AND i'M GLAD TO HAVE THEM . BUT MOST OF THE TiME , i DON'T TALK ABOUT iT , i DON'T WANT THEM TO WORRY , AND i WANT TO KEEP THE MATTER PRiVATE . (SUPPRESSiON HAPPENS MOST OF THE TiME.)

iT HAS BEEN 15 MONTHS TO DATE THAT YOU AND i HAVE BEEN TOGETHER (OR MAYBE NOT). BUT WHERE ARE YOU RiGHT NOW ? i DON'T EVEN KNOW WHERE YOU ARE RiGHT NOW WHEN JUST LAST NiGHT WE FOUGHT ABOUT ON SOMETHiNG SO STUPiD THAT i WOKE UP THiS WAY TODAY . MiSERABLE . LONELY . AND i FEEL LiKE i'M iN BLACK HOLE .

i ALWAYS TRiED TO BE STRONG WHEN i KNEW YOU WERE WEAK . i TRiED MY BEST TO KEEP YOU SAFE AND PROTECTED WHEN THE WORLD HAS ALL ODDS ON YOU . BUT WHERE ARE YOU NOW? YOU KNOW i NEVER GAVE UP ON YOU , AND i ALWAYS TRUSTED THAT YOU CAN MAKE YOUR WAY BETTER EVEN iF i WAS NOT THE FRONTLiNER .

THE NUMBER 09 . iS iT STiLL EXiSTiNG ? i'M NOT BiTTER BUT i KNOW iT WELL THAT WHAT i FEEL RiGHT NOW iS NOT LOVE . DUMPED ? MAYBE . BUT i REALLY DON'T KNOW . YOU JUST LEFT . AND THE LAST THiNG YOU TOLD ME WAS " i HATE YOU FOR NOT BEiNG THERE FOR ME AND i HATE MYSELF FOR EXPECTiNG TOO MUCH ON YOU" . i NEVER LEFT YOU . i JUST DiDN'T RECEiVE YOUR MESSAGE ON TiME WHEN YOU WANTED ME TO CALL YOU . YOU COULD HAVE JUST WORKED OUT ON YOUR TEMPER AND PATiENCE LiKE i ALWAYS DO WHEN YOU BECAME SO STUBBORN . YOU'VE BEEN THROUGH A LOT OF TROUBLE THERE LATELY AND i MADE WAYS TO MAKE THiS EASiER . AND ALL YOU HAD TO DO WAS TO SAY GOODBYE .

LONG DiSTANCE RELATiONSHiPS : HOW CAN YOU WORK THiS OUT?
i HAVE ALWAYS BELiEVED THAT THiS KiND OF RELATiONSHiP WiLL WORK AS LONG AS BOTH PARTiES WiLL DO ANYTHiNG AND EVERYTHiNG FOR iT TO WORK . iN THOSE TiMES THAT i WANTED YOU SO CLOSE , i FELT YOU WERE THERE . iN THOSE TiMES WHEN i WAS BREAKiNG DOWN , i KNEW YOU WERE THERE . i KNOW i ALSO DiD THE SAME . AND i'VE DONE MY PART .

i NEVER HAD ANY iNTENTiONS TO HURT YOU BACK WHEN YOU GOT ME SO BROKEN . i CRiED A LOT OF TiMES BECAUSE OF YOU , AND WHAT WAS SO iRONiC ABOUT THAT ? YOU CAN MAKE ME CRY SO HARD BUT iT'S ONLY YOU WHO CAN MAKE ME STOP FROM CRYiNG . YOU WERE LiKE MY LOLLiPOP TO MAKE ME FEEL BETTER . AND FOR ALL i KNOW , i DiD THE SAME . BUT BECAUSE YOU TOLD ME i GOT YOU SO HURT , WHAT i DiD BEST FOR YOU HAS BEEN CONCEALED . NOW TELL ME HOW WiLL THiS WORK ?

i KNEW WE WERE BOTH iMMATURE ON A LOT OF THiNGS , BUT i HAVE PRiNCiPLES WHiCH ARE WAY TOO DiFFERENT FROM YOURS , BUT STiLL i TRiED TO WORK ON iT , TO PLEASE YOU , TO MAKE YOU HAPPY AND THiS iS WHAT i GET .

*GEEZH . MOMMY'S SLEEPiNG BY MY SiDE AND i DON'T HER SEEiNG ME CRY RiGHT NOW .*

HOW COULD YOU EVEN HURT YOURSELF BECAUSE YOU HAVE HURT ME ? i ALWAYS REMiNDED YOU THAT iF YOU DiD SOMETHiNG WRONG , JUST SAY SORRY AND MEAN iT . YOU DON'T HAVE TO RESOLVE YOURSELF iN DOiNG STUPiD THiNGS . AND FOR YOUR iNFORMATiON , iT DOESN'T PLEASE ME . MY HEART BREAKS MORE WHEN YOU HURT YOURSELF .

i KNOW i HAVE BEEN SELFiSH BUT i'M ALSO SURE THAT i'VE SHARED MY LiFE WiTH YOU iN A VERY SPECiAL WAY THAT i CAN EVEN iF WE'RE SO MiLES APART . i'VE NEVER ENTERTAiNED ANYONE WHiLE YOU'RE AWAY BECAUSE i NEVER WANTED TO HURT YOU AND i NEVER WANTED TO BREAK THE TRUST THAT YOU GiVE TO ME . i KNEW iN MY HEART , i TOOK CARE OF YOU THE WAY THAT i KNOW YOU SHOULD BE TAKEN CARED OF . WHEN YOU CRiED , i WAS THERE . WHEN YOU'RE MAD i WAS THERE . iN ALL UPS AND DOWNS , i WAS THERE FOR YOU AND i NEVER LEFT EVEN iF YOU PUSH ME AWAY , AND EVEN iF YOU SAY "GOODBYE."

i'VBE BEEN WAiTiNG AND HOLDiNG ON TO YOU . BUT RiGHT NOW ? i CAN'T EVEN FiND MYSELF . i CAN'T EVEN TELL WHO i AM WiTHOUT YOU . AND AGAiN i QUOTE , "LOVE SUCKS . LOVE KiLLS ."

DON'T ASK ME WHY i END UP LiKE THiS . FOR ALL i KNOW , i'VE DONE MY PART .
LOViNG YOU iN MY OWN WAY BECAME MY LiFE . BUT WHAT WiLL HAPPEN NOW ? i DON'T EVEN KNOW WHERE YOU ARE , WHAT YOU DO AND WHAT YOU'RE UP TO .

YOU BROKE YOUR PROMiSES . i HELD CLOSE TO MiNE .

HAPPY 15 MONTHS TO US HEART .
YOU GOT ME SHATTERED .