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Thursday, August 6, 2009
Here I go again *sigh*
First things, first.
I woke up at the wrong side of the bed. Yeah. I'm not a very morning person by the way, but I am not a sleeper either. I get up when I want to, and I sleep when I feel the need of doing it.
Going back, yeah I woke up at the wrong side of the bed, but I had a smile on my face when I got my phone and a text message from "him." He said he was on line, so I immediately got up. Yeah I got excited knowing that I can talk to him or something but then, when I looked around my stuff, my lap top wasn't there (only to find out that my sister was using it). And so I talked to my sister, and I told her that I should go on line. But to avoid petty arguments, I gave in but I asked her if I can just go on line even for a few minutes and then I'll just take the lap top when she's done.
My sister granted my little request and she gave way for a while for me to go on line. I logged in to my yahoo messenger, and to find out that he was still on line. Yeah, he was on line, but to my surprise, he was using his other yahoo messenger account (the account that I wasn't really expecting him to use anymore because few days ago he told me that he's going to change his account, not to mention, it's the account that his ex-girlfriend did) . Honestly, when I saw him using that account, I felt a little sharp feeling that stung my heart.
I gave him a buzz just like the other days. I was quite expecting him to ask me first like "how are you?" or "were you able to sleep well?" or stuffs like that. Or maybe it was much better if he told me that he misses me. Since last night, I was trying to contact him through his roaming number, but I only received voice prompts that his phone is out of reach. Earlier yesterday he promised me that he's going to make it up with me. So I per se expected a little more from him.
Well, yeah, talking about insensitivity, the first thing he asked me was a question that at some point got me so pissed. He was like "Heart, what was the site of _______?" The hell do I care with that stupid site anyways. He added, "I needed to talk to ______." Can I name names here to make this any worse? *heck* Then I was like, "You know what, I never wanted you to talk to those people anymore. I've been reading a lot of comments and I know what that girl has been talking shit against me." Actually, this girl that he wanted to talk to is the best friend of his ex-girlfriend. Do I sound bitter? I know I'm not and I know my place, but the hell. Do I need to say more?
Yeah I kept nagging about my points in my messenger. Hey, I just can't help it. I needed to burst things out. Someone once told me that I don't have to take my pain alone, and that I would have to share it with him. And yeah that's what I did. I tried to talk to him in my modest way even if he knew I was flaring up a bit.
I mentioned my points, from point number one to point number four. I thought he got me understood. I've told him so many things of why I was acting that way. But then? What did I got? "Okay, hey heart. Be right back. I'll be out for a while." See? At some point, I got humiliated. But then I can't do anything about it. I can't nag around and pour out my inner emotions knowing that he's out.
So to cope up, I just browsed around the internet to find something to keep me away from stress. I opened my facebook account, played games, answer silly questionnaires. Can facebook give us other than that?
In the afternoon, my mom and I went to the city to buy some stuffs. My youngest sister will be celebrating her 18th birthday next month so mom and I needed to look for stuffs that we needed for the souvenirs and the invitations. My feet got tired though. I drove mom around and we walked long distances around the city.
After a tiring walk around the city, mom and I went home and we both arrived our crib feeling very exhausted. I walked up to my room and I saw my sisters on my bed. My sister is using the lap top again but I didn't mind. She told me that "he" was on line. So I told my sister that I just first have to go down and munch a little and that I'll be on line in a while.
I ate a burger that mom and I bought over the drive thru section. With the heat outside and the crowded streets, who wouldn't get hungry? *lol* Then I craved for ice cold Coca-cola. However, I felt it wasted because I had the drink after I have already finished my burger. Talking about timing, right?
I went back to my room, took hold of the lap top then as usual, opened all my active accounts. I found him on line in facebook so I sent him a private message there through the chat features. I was like, well honestly, still pissed but I really tried to handle myself to prevent another petty argument. I was so frustrated because when I told him that I was still pissed, it's as if he didn't mind. Then he just cut loose and he never replied back. I felt like I was already beginning to flare up again, and that I needed to burst out, but who's going to listen to me? None.
I just let the feeling pass and sweep through. What else can I do? He left me hanging twice this day. So I turned on the television and I continued browsing around my accounts. I thought of bursting out and write a blog (like what I am doing right now). Well, writing has always been my passion and refuge and this is my way of coping.
Few minutes later, I received a text message from his roaming number telling me he lost his internet connection. I was still pissed at that time, but then, I just can't help it. He said he was sorry and that he really wanted to make it up with me. And so I told him, "You always have the chances to make it up with me, and I think you really should." For the past few days, I just felt that we were not as close as the way we were used to. Time has changed and we both know that he's so far away right now. But distance has never been a barrier for us though, and through that, he would always make me believe that everything will be fine if we'll both talk about our issues. Everyday we really try our best to make things right for our relationship to work. In a few more days, we will be celebrating our first year anniversary and at some point, I am still in disbelief that we've come this far. Cheers to the both of us!
I've been missing him day and night, in every minute, and in every part of the day. It just feels so different if I don't have any communication with him. I just can't do things on my own when I can't get in touch with him.
He admitted that partly, he was insensitive. Yeah, not the exact words but he knows my sentiments. I told him that he should not just decode me through the outside but he also needs to decipher my inner self. I told him that I don't have to tell him what was wrong, and that all he needed to do is to read me between the lines. Although sometimes I am hard to understand, I'm very confident that he can tame me. Sometimes I think he knows me better than I know myself.
What I love most about him is that, it's most of the time he can tell that I am not okay. It was never surprising to me that he will always make ways for me to feel better. His sweetness and charms will always capture me in my distress and bring me back to calmer grounds. And yes, even in the middle of my chaos, him by just being there for me, all just ends well. How the hell does he do that? That I can't really answer but I'm very glad he can do things that way.
Right now, after a few or many text messages, I believe I feel better . Indeed, he's making ways to make me smile, and yes, he never failed me on that. I'm waiting for his call and I just hope we can talk about a lot of things that are happening, just like how we used to. It's been a while since I haven't seen him , nor hear his voice. And for now, I believe, he is what I need for me to feel much better.
See how love can turn me upside down?
:D
First things, first.
I woke up at the wrong side of the bed. Yeah. I'm not a very morning person by the way, but I am not a sleeper either. I get up when I want to, and I sleep when I feel the need of doing it.
Going back, yeah I woke up at the wrong side of the bed, but I had a smile on my face when I got my phone and a text message from "him." He said he was on line, so I immediately got up. Yeah I got excited knowing that I can talk to him or something but then, when I looked around my stuff, my lap top wasn't there (only to find out that my sister was using it). And so I talked to my sister, and I told her that I should go on line. But to avoid petty arguments, I gave in but I asked her if I can just go on line even for a few minutes and then I'll just take the lap top when she's done.
My sister granted my little request and she gave way for a while for me to go on line. I logged in to my yahoo messenger, and to find out that he was still on line. Yeah, he was on line, but to my surprise, he was using his other yahoo messenger account (the account that I wasn't really expecting him to use anymore because few days ago he told me that he's going to change his account, not to mention, it's the account that his ex-girlfriend did) . Honestly, when I saw him using that account, I felt a little sharp feeling that stung my heart.
I gave him a buzz just like the other days. I was quite expecting him to ask me first like "how are you?" or "were you able to sleep well?" or stuffs like that. Or maybe it was much better if he told me that he misses me. Since last night, I was trying to contact him through his roaming number, but I only received voice prompts that his phone is out of reach. Earlier yesterday he promised me that he's going to make it up with me. So I per se expected a little more from him.
Well, yeah, talking about insensitivity, the first thing he asked me was a question that at some point got me so pissed. He was like "Heart, what was the site of _______?" The hell do I care with that stupid site anyways. He added, "I needed to talk to ______." Can I name names here to make this any worse? *heck* Then I was like, "You know what, I never wanted you to talk to those people anymore. I've been reading a lot of comments and I know what that girl has been talking shit against me." Actually, this girl that he wanted to talk to is the best friend of his ex-girlfriend. Do I sound bitter? I know I'm not and I know my place, but the hell. Do I need to say more?
Yeah I kept nagging about my points in my messenger. Hey, I just can't help it. I needed to burst things out. Someone once told me that I don't have to take my pain alone, and that I would have to share it with him. And yeah that's what I did. I tried to talk to him in my modest way even if he knew I was flaring up a bit.
I mentioned my points, from point number one to point number four. I thought he got me understood. I've told him so many things of why I was acting that way. But then? What did I got? "Okay, hey heart. Be right back. I'll be out for a while." See? At some point, I got humiliated. But then I can't do anything about it. I can't nag around and pour out my inner emotions knowing that he's out.
So to cope up, I just browsed around the internet to find something to keep me away from stress. I opened my facebook account, played games, answer silly questionnaires. Can facebook give us other than that?
In the afternoon, my mom and I went to the city to buy some stuffs. My youngest sister will be celebrating her 18th birthday next month so mom and I needed to look for stuffs that we needed for the souvenirs and the invitations. My feet got tired though. I drove mom around and we walked long distances around the city.
After a tiring walk around the city, mom and I went home and we both arrived our crib feeling very exhausted. I walked up to my room and I saw my sisters on my bed. My sister is using the lap top again but I didn't mind. She told me that "he" was on line. So I told my sister that I just first have to go down and munch a little and that I'll be on line in a while.
I ate a burger that mom and I bought over the drive thru section. With the heat outside and the crowded streets, who wouldn't get hungry? *lol* Then I craved for ice cold Coca-cola. However, I felt it wasted because I had the drink after I have already finished my burger. Talking about timing, right?
I went back to my room, took hold of the lap top then as usual, opened all my active accounts. I found him on line in facebook so I sent him a private message there through the chat features. I was like, well honestly, still pissed but I really tried to handle myself to prevent another petty argument. I was so frustrated because when I told him that I was still pissed, it's as if he didn't mind. Then he just cut loose and he never replied back. I felt like I was already beginning to flare up again, and that I needed to burst out, but who's going to listen to me? None.
I just let the feeling pass and sweep through. What else can I do? He left me hanging twice this day. So I turned on the television and I continued browsing around my accounts. I thought of bursting out and write a blog (like what I am doing right now). Well, writing has always been my passion and refuge and this is my way of coping.
Few minutes later, I received a text message from his roaming number telling me he lost his internet connection. I was still pissed at that time, but then, I just can't help it. He said he was sorry and that he really wanted to make it up with me. And so I told him, "You always have the chances to make it up with me, and I think you really should." For the past few days, I just felt that we were not as close as the way we were used to. Time has changed and we both know that he's so far away right now. But distance has never been a barrier for us though, and through that, he would always make me believe that everything will be fine if we'll both talk about our issues. Everyday we really try our best to make things right for our relationship to work. In a few more days, we will be celebrating our first year anniversary and at some point, I am still in disbelief that we've come this far. Cheers to the both of us!
I've been missing him day and night, in every minute, and in every part of the day. It just feels so different if I don't have any communication with him. I just can't do things on my own when I can't get in touch with him.
He admitted that partly, he was insensitive. Yeah, not the exact words but he knows my sentiments. I told him that he should not just decode me through the outside but he also needs to decipher my inner self. I told him that I don't have to tell him what was wrong, and that all he needed to do is to read me between the lines. Although sometimes I am hard to understand, I'm very confident that he can tame me. Sometimes I think he knows me better than I know myself.
What I love most about him is that, it's most of the time he can tell that I am not okay. It was never surprising to me that he will always make ways for me to feel better. His sweetness and charms will always capture me in my distress and bring me back to calmer grounds. And yes, even in the middle of my chaos, him by just being there for me, all just ends well. How the hell does he do that? That I can't really answer but I'm very glad he can do things that way.
Right now, after a few or many text messages, I believe I feel better . Indeed, he's making ways to make me smile, and yes, he never failed me on that. I'm waiting for his call and I just hope we can talk about a lot of things that are happening, just like how we used to. It's been a while since I haven't seen him , nor hear his voice. And for now, I believe, he is what I need for me to feel much better.
See how love can turn me upside down?
:D
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